DON’T FUCK IN THE WOODS (2016)
Available to stream on Tubi!
Directed and written by Shawn Burkett.
Starring Nadia White, Brandy Mason, Ayse Howard, Brittany Blanton, Roman Jossart, Hannah Herdt, Kayla Stone, Deryk Wehrley, Brian Cornell, Joe Vollman, & Scott Gillespie as the Creature!
Check out the website here!!
Winning the most honest and straight to the point (not to mention ballsiest) title to a new horror film award is DON’T FUCK IN THE WOODS, a low budget comedy that gives no fucks about trying to be polite or decent. This is the movie equivalent to a fart in an elevator and I love it!
There’s barely a premise here as a group of youngsters make their way into the woods for a camping trip all ready to get liquored up, doobied up, and get right to bumpin’ scruglies. But unbeknownst to them, a monster in the woods is attracted to the scent of sex and makes sure to tear apart anyone who is having it in his woods.
Taking the sex = death motif to heart, DON’T FUCK IN THE WOODS is fun because it just doesn’t care about being taken seriously. The budget is low. The acting is sub par. And the story only serves to set up one killing after the next. There’s a final person, like most of the 80’s slasher films, but unlike those films which seem to follow a set of rules as to who survives and who doesn’t, this one flips the script so you have no idea who is going to live or die. And while its self aware, it doesn’t pull an eye muscle winking at the camera. It simply is what it says it is in the title and that’s it, which to me, is kind of adorable.
As with much of the slasher horror in the decade it is homaging, DON’T FUCK IN THE WOODS’ strong point is its gore. There’s plenty of red stuff flung around after it’s been sliced out of these horny campers. All sorts of gruesome guts are flung too and fro by a monster who is simply a guy in a monster suit with an articulated mouth. While the monster isn’t very impressive, the gore is and the filmmakers do a decent job of cutting quick so as not to linger on the suit so as not to see all of the seams and zippers.
Movie snobs, piss off. DON’T FUCK IN THE WOODS is a damn fun ode to 80’s slasher film despite its zero budget makings. It’s got a great sense of humor from start to finish and is one of those films that looks like it was a blast to be a part of. Expect blood and tons of raunchy sex (including copious amounts of boobage) behind every tree in this woods, but don’t take part in all of that beast-with-two-backing, lest you will be the next to fall victim to DON’T FUCK IN THE WOODS!