HE KNOWS (2022)
Streaming on Tubi!
Directed by Steven Morris.
Written by Kermet Merl Key, Steven Morris.
Trailer: https://youtu.be/AFT8dguB10Y
On Christmas Eve, Christina (played by Jonni Shandor) witnessed the rampage of a masked slasher dressed as an elf named Sammy (played by Brian Bowles) resulting in the death of her stepfather and disappearance of her brother. Now twenty years later, Christina (played by Kayla Kelly) finds herself burning the candle at both ends and leaving her daughter with her mother Sue (played by THE CRZIES and SHIVERS’ Lynn Lowry). Meanwhile, Steve (Zach Meiser) is partying with his pals and keeping touch with his daughter Stephanie (played by Morgan Pyle), who he shares custody of with Christina. Wouldn’t you know it? Sammy the Elf returns this Christmas to enact more carnage on Christina’s world.

Right off the bat, HE KNOWS is a very low budget movie. And there’s a lot working against it. The actors are really amateur and they don’t do any favors to the script. The pacing of the interactions between the actors is completely off, a product of both low acting chops and bad editing during the dialog heavy scenes. This makes for some long, rough moments where the story tries to sell some of the drama that occurs between killings between Christina, her ex-husband Steve and their daughter Stephanie who deals with the usual divorced parent issues during the holidays. To add insult to injury, there really aren’t many likable characters here. They’re either drug addicted burnouts, former alcoholics, current alcoholics, bimbos, or simply terrible people who say terrible things to each other. Stephanie is portrayed as a smartass to her parents. Which makes you root all the more for the masked killer to do them in hastily. Lynn Lowry, who is often quite good in her appearances in these low budget things, but even she is having a lot of trouble selling the drama.

On the plus side, the Sammy the Elf mask is creepy as all get out. The smiling face mask really is a chilling design and this is framed well in some very gruesome attack scenes. On top of looking terrifying, the savage way the Elf massacres his victims, by speedily stabbing his victims over and over. Sammy even resorts to firearms when necessary, which differentiates him from other slashers. So at least the film delivers during the murder scenes.

HE KNOWS has an ok story about redemption and second chances, but the identity of the killer is a letdown as it comes out of the blue. HE KNOWS packs a bit of punch, more like a mild tap than a punch, since the cast don’t do the story any favors selling the whole thing. While last week’s THE KILLING TREE at least kind of had fun with the concept, HE KNOWS takes things super seriously, making it less festive and more over the top while attempting to reach dramatic heights. Still, it’s got some ok animation during the title and origin sequences, the killings are solid, and that mask will definitely instill a nightmare or two in this forgettable low fi holiday slasher.

NUTCRACKER MASSACRE (2022)
New streaming on Tubi!
Directed by Rebecca Matthews.
Written by Joe Knetter, Jeff Miller.
Trailer: https://youtu.be/-1GkyKCiZKk
When a novelist named Clara (played by Beatrice Fletcher) breaks up with her cheating boyfriend Paul (Andy Dixon), she decides to go to her aunt’s house for the holidays. Little does she know, her aunt is in possession of a giant Nutcracker doll inhabited by the insane spirit of a former soldier who takes the tale of the Nutcracker a little too seriously. As the Nutcracker shambles about the house, inexplicably unnoticed by anyone, it offs the family one by one until tracking down Clara, who he believes is his one true love.

From Rebecca Matthews, the soul responsible for directing the PET SEMETARY ripoff PET GRAVEYARD, the killer MMA boxer movie HELLKAT, and EXORCIST VENGEANCE starring Robert Bronzi, the Charles Bronson lookalike, brings forth for your holiday viewing NUTCRACKER MASSACRE, a story about a possessed six-foot Nutcracker doll. It’s as bad as you think.

The good: Not much. Despite the ludicrous story, the acting is not unwatchable. All of the main characters deliver their lines decently, making the wait between Nutcracker kills semi-bearable. For some reason, SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY’s Patrick Bergen is in this one as a Toy Store Salesman who knows all about the evil Nutcracker and delivers a lengthy story about it midway through the tale. He;s probably the weakest performance of the cast, if you can believe that as it feels like he’s simply there for the paycheck. Then again, the downright inane story he has to tell doesn’t help with the delivery.

This is a basic monster in the house slash possessed doll story except for the fact that the doll is six foot tall and very hard to hide. The doll doesn’t talk and its only emotion is either resting face and evil snarly tooth face. There’s not much by way of scares to be had here, but it is rather goofy seeing the Nutcracker’s slow and robotic movements track down and kill people who really could have survived had they attempted to move out of the room a little faster.

With the Nutcracker really not conveying much scares, does this one at least have a sense of humor about itself? And more importantly, is there gore or maybe some nudity to spice things up? Well, not really on both parts. I think the film was attempting some kind of humor at times. One of the victims gets a headwound and another victim wraps it in a decorative bow to using ribbons to stop the bleeding. That’s the closest to a laugh this one got from me. And nudity? Not a stitch, though the ladies are quite purty to look at. And a few puddles of blood is about as gory as this one gets as the Nutcracker avoids cracking nuts and simply strangles people with tinsel and his own hands. So calling it a massacre is quite a leap.

If you decide to endure NUTCRACKER MASSACRE, just be prepared for a near G-rated horror movie. It’s harmless, but also suspenseless with the Nutcracker disappearing halfway through so the protagonists can go to the toy store for a discourse drop and then conveniently return to participate in the carnage again. NUTCRACKER MASSACRE tries to adhere to the original Nutcracker story, but really doesn’t know how to make it work with the present day story. Instead is relies on magic to solve all unexplainable elements and ends on a convoluted note where everyone seems as bored with the story and wanting it to end as much as I was.

Sorry, folks. Two lumps of coal this week on SantaDay’s Ho-Ho-Horror. Maybe next week we’ll get something interesting in our Christmas stalking…I mean, stocking.

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Music & Arrangement by Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy https://youtu.be/PDySbxQgZMg
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