M.L. Miller here! As I go into the tenth year of reviewing horror films, I wanted to go back to the beginning and repost some of the films I loved. Moving on to Year Three of my decade-long Retro-Best in Horror recap Countdowns begins officially on October 1, 2012 and goes through September 30, 2013. I have posted compilation lists in the past, but a lot of those old reviews haven’t seen the light of day since they were first posted many moons ago. Being the OCD person that I am, I have also worked and reworked the list, looking back at my own choices and shifting them around, and even adding a few that I might have missed or looked over from the year in question. So, if you think you know how these lists are going to turn out, you don’t!
How did I compile this list? I simply looked through films released between October 1st, 2012 and September 30, 2013 and worked and reworked the list until I had the magic number—31. Again, I never call myself any kind of expert in horror. I simply watch a lot of horror films and love writing about them. Don’t forget to like and share my picks with your pals across the web on your own personal social media. Chime in after the review and let me know what you think of the film, how on the nose or mind-numbingly wrong I am, or most importantly, come up with your own darn list…let’s go!
Released on March 12, 2013 and available on digital download, On Demand and BluRay/DVD here!
THE TAINT (2010)
Directed by Drew Bolduc & Dan Nelson
Written by Drew Bolduc
Starring Drew Bolduc, Colleen Walsh, Cody Crenshaw, & Kenneth Hall
Find out more info on this film here!
I can honestly say that I’ve never seen anything like THE TAINT. The taint referred to in the title is not that unmentionable area between this and that down below. It refers to a chemical that was released into the water supply and now, at a growing rate, all of the water is tainted. The effects of the taint cause men to have raging erections and become mindless zombie-like creatures that like to chase women and bash their heads in with rocks.
Misogynistic? Of course.
But despite all of that, THE TAINT is most likely a film experience I will never forget. It throws any sense of decency and taste out the window. No fluid is unspewed, unsplattered or unrecognized. Effects are so over the top, they’re orbital. And the acting is so purposely bad, it’s gut-busting.
Drew Bolduc writes, directs, and stars as Phil O’Ginny a mulletted douchebag who changes sunglasses according to the manner of action he is doing and attempts to make his way through this mad tainted world. He meets Misandra, a young survivor with a shotgun (Colleen Walsh), who has her own insane story of how she stayed alive through the madness that is equal parts insanely funny and gross. Soon, with society going down the tubes, they run across O’Ginny’s high school gym teacher who leads a gang of rapists with ridiculous names like Alligator Fuckhouse and equally ridiculous costumes. As Phil and Misandra make their way through a gauntlet of human rapists and tainted monsters, they find the man behind the madness, the masked screaming man, Ludas, who has his own tale of depravity. It all culminates with Phil draping the American flag over his shoulder and going on a spree shooting the tainted’s penises off with uncanny accuracy to the tune of some epic rockin’ music.
Not a beat of this film is played seriously. It’s crude and disgusting from scene one to end. But it’s also probably one of the most inanely funny films I’ve seen this year. THE TAINT also sports some impressive special effects as heads are sliced, crushed, minced, beaten, and blown apart in various ways. On top of all of that, this film sets the bar high for most penises blown off by a handgun ever on celluloid. So there’s that.
Utterly crude and rude, if you’re looking for an unapologetic gross out film, you need to look no further than THE TAINT. The level of disgust this film achieves is truly epic. You’ve got to have a pretty iron constitution to stomach a lot of the stuff that goes on in THE TAINT, but I guarantee if you like gore, you’ll laugh so hard you’ll piss and shit yourself at the gross-out glory of THE TAINT.
Beware this trailer has boobies!
THE 2012-2013 COUNTDOWN!
#20 – THE TAINT
#21 – THE PURGE
#22 – RITUAL/MODUS ANOMALI
#23 – V/H/S/2
#24 – MON AMI
#25 – EUROPA REPORT
#26 – BLIND ALLEY
#27 – MIDNIGHT SON
#28 – DEVIL’S PASS
#29 – COME OUT AND PLAY
#30 – THE LAST WILL & TESTAMENT OF ROSALIND LEIGH
#31 – I DIDN’T COME HERE TO DIE
M. L. Miller is a wordslinger/writer of wrongs/reviewer/interviewer/editor of MLMILLERWRITES.COM. Follow @Mark_L_Miller.
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