MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE (aka FINGERS OF FATE, THE LODGE OF SINS, 1966)

Streaming on Tubi!
Directed/Written by Harold P. Warren
Starring Tom Neyman, John Reynolds, Diane Adelson, Harold P. Warren, Stephanie Nielson, Sherry Proctor, Robin Redd, Jackey Neyman, Bernie Rosenblum, Joyce Molleur, William Bryan Jennings, Bettie Burns, Pat Coburn

Though it was dubbed “The Worst Film Ever Made”, I’m not so proud to say I’ve seen worse.

A family of three on a road trip take a wrong turn and end up in the lair of a madman with many wives and his retarded/drunk manservant named Torgo, all of which worship an evil deity named Manos.

That’s the very basic premise of MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE, a film which takes its sweet, sweet time to get to wherever it’s going, as the actors as well as the cameraman never really seem to know what’s happening next. Extended shots of landscape at the beginning of this film indicate pretty early that this is going to be a snoozer, as it feels like the pacing is off by about fifty miles. This may be because Harold P. Warren, the director and writer of the film, also cast himself in the lead role of Michael, the patriarch of the lost family. If Warren had been behind the camera instead of in front of it, maybe the pacing would have been a bit more brisk. I don’t want to spend too much time trying to fix this film, but it does seem like a really solid edit of about forty minutes of the film would have at least made it more watchable. Some of the scenic scenes and the entire useless subplot of the cop repeatedly catching a couple necking in their car would have made this one at least feel less tedious.

But even with a solid edit, the script would require something to actually happen, and very little does in MANOS. A family arrives, people go missing, Torgo flirts awkwardly, Manos’ wives fight endlessly, and then the “twist” ending occurs. All in all, this is structured like a failed plot for a really bad TWILIGHT ZONE episode.

Still, I found myself somewhat fascinated with this film. This was mainly due to the utterly weird performance from Torgo (John Reynolds), whose oversized knees make him meander around drunkenly. His performance is filled with pregnant pauses and bizarre movements and ticks. He even has his own theme music any time the story stops to watch him stagger by. Throughout the film he is seen sleeping on the floor where he most likely just fell down, and his scene with Margaret (Diane Adelson) where he makes his love moves on her is fascinating in a train wreck sort of way. I want to say Torgo is unintentionally funny, but the performance is some kind of genius and definitely the most realized character of the bunch.

Personally, for me, the version to watch of this film is the MST3K version of the film above. MANOS is almost unwatchably boring without any constant chatter, and it is one of those films that is better with much alcohol and friends. It’s obvious “writer/director/actor” Warren knew very little about filmmaking and simply tossed in stuff he thought the kids would love (a move studios still do today) like necking and women wrestling for extended periods of time (a la the weird scene from THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN’T DIE, but much worse). Warren even found the time to have one of the hottie wives make out with him while he is tied to a post.

Still, without this film we wouldn’t have Torgo, a character who deserves proper recognition and maybe a movie of his own. Again, I often am burdened with sitting through horrible films (much different than horrifying), so I tend to cling to something to keep me watching, and Torgo’s arc is most fascinating in a remedial sort of way. MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE is odd, awkward, slow, nonsensical, and just plain boring at times. Maybe I missed some of the subtle nuances Warren was going for, but I doubt it. I occasionally hear it will be remade, and could see someone like Seth Rogan and Evan Goldberg getting ahold of this and making it fun. I can see Danny McBride as the Master and Jay Baruchel as Torgo. One can dream.