SHIVER ME TIMBERS (2025)

New On Demand from Gravitas Ventures!
Directed by Paul Stephen Mann.
Written by Paul Stephen Mann, E.C. Segar.
Check out the trailer here!!

Olive Oyl (Amy Mackie), her brother Castor (Brendan Nelson) and a group of friends go on a camping trip to see the passing of Halley’s Comet. But the passing of the comet transforms a mild-mannered sailor into a moirderous Popeye (Tony Greer) and he’s set his sights on Olive and her friends.

Keeping up with the trend of taking public domain characters and simply making them into slashers, SHIVER ME TIMBERS at least adds in a little bit of Lovecraftian lore (a la THE COLOR OUT OF SPACE) into the mix with the passing of a comet causing horrible transformations. The gore flows plentily in this one, with all kinds of spatter and fluids squirting in all directions. Popeye himself looks ok—at least it looks like Popeye well enough with the puffy arms and giant jaw. And unfortunately, that’s about all I can say positively about this by-the-numbers slasher.

At least, the film doesn’t take things too seriously as it really seems to understand what kind of movie this is. There’s stoner humor galore, hinting that the folks behind this one were most likely high on their own supply while making it, believing this shit is the funniest shit ever. The over-the-top gory ending tries really hard to be epic in an EVIL DEAD II sort of way, but it also highlights the film’s lack of budget as Olive Oyl’s gigantic chainsaw looks like it is made out of tin foil and cardboard. Sure, you can slather everything in blood, but that doesn’t cover up how cheap it all looks.

This is just lowest common denominator filmmaking. It honestly doesn’t feel like the filmmakers tried to apply a bit of sense after the comet transforms an old sailor into Popeye the killer. There’s no real motivation for him to kill. No reason given why the comet made this transformation. Characters wander in and out of frame simply to be killed a few seconds later. The film is set in 1986 to coincide with the Halley’s Comet passing, but nothing about the film feels like it is set in that era. It seems like the makers of SHIVER ME TIMBERS rushed through the whole filmmaking process simply to be the first movie to be released since Popeye went in public domain. I guess they made it. Congrats, you have a shitty movie!

I get it. These movies are riding the trend, but man, can someone just put some thought into it? It’s not hard to come up with some horrifying take on POPEYE or MICKEY or whoever goes into the public domain next. Why does it always fall into the slasher genre? Why not make it interesting like a werewolf story, but instead of the moon causing the transformation, eating spinach does? I just sharted that out in a few seconds. But no, let’s just make him a slasher for no rhyme or reason. Ugh. Next movie please. Just skip SHIVER ME TIMBERS. I wish I would have.