GEORGE A. ROMERO’S DEADTIME STORIES Vol. 1 (2009)

Streaming on Tubi!
Directed by Jeff Monahan, Michael Fischa, Tom Savini.
Written by Jeff Monahan, Antone Pagán.
Check out the trailer here!!

This is an anthology that slipped by me. I have made it a point to check out each and every George A. Romero project, but in 2009 and 2010, Romero placed his name on two volumes of DEADTIME STORIES, not the 1986 one where that shitty little kid wouldn’t go to bed and his drunk father tells him horror stories to shut him up. I’m sure I’ll cover that one some day. But these DEADTIME STORIES seem to be produced by Romero. Not written or directed. Most likely the only thing Romero had to do with this one was showing up one day to tape the intros to each segment and even that is done half-assed. And that pretty much sums up the entire film—half-assed. But there are a few parts that I found fun. Let’s dissect.

Apparently, all of these segments were written by Jeff Monahan, who directs the first segment, “Valley of the Shadow.” Now, when I was a kid, my brother and I used to take the camcorder and go around in our rowboat with our dog and toy guns (it was the 80’s you know) and go on adventures at Indian Lake. We dressed in camo and would make believe we were boating down the Nile, with horrible jungle on either sides of us filled with wild creatures. That’s what this segment reminds me of as it seems Monahan filmed this on some kind of heavily wooded lake and he is trying to convince the viewer that it is the Amazon. This is a DIY jungle adventure about a group of people in search of a magical root that contains the secrets of immortality. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the DIY aspects of this film. It is fun to see people making something from literally nothing. But man, is this a rough watch as this segment also drags like an anchor. It was fun seeing all of the people painted up to be natives and I admire the dark ending. But this is one of those cases where the story was way too ambitious for what they could accomplish on film.

“Wet” is a dark tale by Michael Fischa about a man who fails to pay attention to a crusty seaman and goes looking for a lost treasure. When he finds it, rather easily, I might add, he resurrects a mermaid who is assigned to protect it. Again, this is a segment that aims high and I think they kept the story grounded enough so all of the seams don’t show. The effects are rather rudimentary, but there are some wincey moments as the mermaid has an appetite for wieners and I’m not talking about Oscar Meyer. Like the first segment, this is a cautionary tale, which always make for good short stories, so I didn’t hate this one.

The best of the bunch is clearly “House Call” directed by effects maestro Tom Savini, who is no stranger to Romero projects. In this segment, a boy claims he was bit by a vampire. His mom calls the local doctor to examine him and when he gets there, things get dark and gothic. Filmed in a square bound way (which looks a lot like how Eggers did THE LIGHTHOUSE) and gives the whole film an old timey style. I was really impressed with the way this film looked and I think this is a testament that Savini could be as talented a director as he was an effects artist if given the chance. I wish he would direct more often. While this one ended rather predictably, it still has a brutal ending.

None of these segments are worth writing home about, but this one has a do-it-yourself style that I miss in modern cinema. Still, this anthology is for the Romero fan who has to see it all. That won’t stop me from reviewing DEADTIME STORIES Volume 2 sometime soon.