CRYPTIDS (2023)

Streaming on Screambox from Silver Springs Films!
Directed by Justin M. Seaman, Zane Hershberger, Robert Kuhn, John William Holt, Bret DeJager, Billy ‘Bloody Bill’ Pon, Max Groan.
Written by Zane Hershberger, Robert Kuhn, Jason Turner, Bret DeJager, Billy ‘Bloody Bill’ Pon, Max Groan, Adam Hershberger.
Check out the trailer here!!

Joe Bob Briggs plays a DJ for a radio station that focuses on spooky stories. Tonight’s broadcast focuses on the name of the movie, CRYPTIDS. This premise serves as a wraparound for six stories about local legends and rural monsters. Here’s what each segment has to offer.

Zane Hershberger, the cinematographer of THE BARN I & II, lets loose “Scared” about the Melon Heads, the legend of the Appalacian inbred creatures with large bulbous heads that might have been caused by government experiments. Large noggin-ed hillbillies indeed descend upon a group of campers in this gory but by-the-numbers tale. I can’t say the acting is great, but the effects look pretty solid, and the ending of this tale is nice and bleak.

My favorite cryptid, Bigfoot the subject of “The Forest Bridge” directed by Robert Kuhn, who did the effects for THE BARN, 10/31 and was the supervisor for the effect of this very film. Much of the action of is segment is told, and it’s a bit disturbing at that, as it involves Bigfoot’s less wholesome side of simply taking a mate rather than wining and dining her. Still, the Bigfoot looks really good with movable lip and face appliances, which is something that you rarely see in Bigfoot films. This is another one that whizzes by quickly and painlessly.

John William Holt, the director of THE DOOMS CHAPEL HORROR, hands forth The Loveland Frogman in “Frog Me Forever.” This is a more comical tale about an over-the-top charter fisherman/ cryptid expert who finds himself accosted by the legendary frogman that haunts Ohio’s swampland. It’s goofy humor that will entertain some and sour others, as the fisherman hams it up big time. The frogman is ok, but much less ominous, but they do a good job of hiding the seams and amateur look to the beast through shadow and close angles.

BONEJANGLES director Bret DeJager delivers “A Hopkinsville Encounter,” a tale of the Hopkinsville Goblins. It’s a lighthearted tale that serves as a continuation of the night when a group of goblins from outer space allegedly attacked a farm. Years later, one of the members of the family still lives in the home and loves him some Halloween. One night, the goblins come back, and the vibe is more of a GREMLINS feel than anything else. Most of the suspense comes from darting a camera around and having the goblins scurry off screen from the light. Simple concept, decent looking little goblins, though.

CIRCUS OF THE DEAD’s Billy ‘Bloody Bill’ Pon unleashes “Chupacabra Death Machines.” Though I love the premise of having a bunch of drug dealers get rid of their least affective workers in a match where they must outrun a pair of snarling chupacabras, this one had a bare minimum story and was over all too quickly. I loved the Chupa effects and the carnage they cause is pretty splattery. I just wanted more story to this one.

Aliens are the cryptid du jour in “Infectious” by Max Groan. This was one of the few segments that felt fully formed. Not only did it have a great sense of humor and cynically nostalgic tone, but the monster was a fun rubbery alien guy that dissolves skin at the touch. This is my favorite story of the bunch.

The director of THE BARN I and II, Justin M. Seaman, tackles for “The Beast of Bladenboro,” one of the better ones, simply because of the balance between humor and horror. The beast, once again, looks great, though we only see bits and pieces of it. And the characters are quite likable, making my feel a little bit about their survival…imagine that?

I can appreciate the extra time and energy put into this anthology to tie it all together. If anything, it feels as if it were made by a bunch of friends in the industry who were happy to work together and support each other’s projects rather than CRYPTIDS being just a grab bag of random talent. Joe Bob Brigs basically plays himself, but at least gives his thoughts on each tale (shocker: they are mostly positive). As for the anthology as a whole, I feel that the biggest thing all of them are lacking is an attention to story. Most of them simply have people doing what they do and then running into a cryptid and then either they kill it or it kills them, with the bulk of these all too short shorts ending before a last act happens. While this is one of my favorite subjects, CRYPTIDS is not one of my favorite anthologies. Great effects can only go so far.