SALEM’S LOT (2024)
New streaming on MAX from New Line Cinema!
Directed/Written by Gary Dauberman.
From the book by Stephen King.
Trailer: https://youtu.be/QtVzKkv03ic
It’s 1975 and writer Ben Mears (Lewis Pullman) returns to his childhood home of Jerusalem’s Lot also known to the locals as ‘Salem’s Lot. Right around the same time, a new antique shop has opened in the downtown area owned by R.T. Straker (GAME OF THRONES’ Pilou Asbæk) and the enigmatic Kurt Barlowe (Alexander Ward). The businessmen have also purchased the local old creepy house on the hill outside of town known as Marsten House. When a boy goes missing, all eyes go towards the creepy writer in town, instead of the creepy antique salemen in the creepier house on the creepy hill, for some reason. But soon, more people begin dying in mysterious ways, leaving a small group of survivors to take on Barlowe’s new cabal of vampires made from Salem’s Lot’s populace. This would be group of vampire hunters include Dr. Cody (Alfrie Woodard), a local teacher who is too old for this shit Matt Burke (Bill Camp), local hottie Susan Norton (Makenzie Leigh), the cliched drunken Irish priest Father Callahan (John Benjamin Hickey), and child vampire slayer Mark Petrie (Jordan Preston Carter). It all leads to a standoff at the local drive-in as the slayers take on the vamps with the fate of the small town at stake.

True story, when I was a very young kid, my parents went out to a party, leaving my cousin to babysit my brother and me. This evening also coincided with the premiere of the much advertised TV movie SALEM’S LOT. While we most likely were too young to be watching this pretty intense (for it’s time) vampire two parter, my cousin, being the cool person she was, let us stay up and watch it. Well, it turned out the two lead kids were named Mark and Danny, which was the same name of myself and my own brother, so we thought it was cool to see our names in the film. My brother noped out of the film early and chose to go to bed as usual (scaredy cat), but I stayed up until the end of part one where Danny shows up to Mark’s window. That shit chilled me to the core, but I tried to be tough in front of my older, cooler cousin, and went to bed without a fuss. But that was just the beginning of the story. See I had a window to my room that was just like Mark’s in the film. I also loved old horror movies, so I had some scary movie posters and toys all over. This was just too much of a coincidence for me and when I finally went to sleep, I woke soon after from the worst nightmare ever. My cousin said I was screaming at the top of my lungs and my eyes were as big as saucers. Now, I hardly remember any of this. I’m sure my cousin got into a bit of trouble letting me see the horror movie of that intensity at such a young age. But needless to say, I didn’t see part two of the original SALEM’S LOT and the property feels sort of like an unachieved goal, even though I did end up watching the whole thing some time later. The problem is, by the time I saw it in full, I realized SALEM’S LOT wasn’t as scary as I thought it was—such is usually the case with things seen as a kid and revisited as an adult. So I have a bit of a connection with SALEM’S LOT on a nightmarish level.

Most of the problem has to do with the fact that SALEM’S LOT 2024 has been in development hell for years, with producers working and reworking the final cut to death. I don’t know if this was originally intended to be a mini-series or a much longer movie, but it is apparent by the pacing that this film has been through an editing lawnmower. The pacing and passage of time in this film is off by a mile. Ben Mears gets into town and immediately, he’s been there for a few days, and then a week passes and he’s in a relationship with Susan. Then all of a sudden, for no apparent reason other than making a story happen, Bill Camp seems to trust only newcomer Ben Mears with his suspicions of vampires. In one scene, Barlowe’s familiar Straker is in town at his shop, and in the very next scene, he’s somehow transported back to the mansion locking Mark and Burke in the basement with Barlowe. Little things establishing the passage of time are lost to the editing floor as though this film takes place over a few weeks, the immediacy of the issues make it feel as if it takes place over a few days. Ben and Susan somehow have developed a deep relationship over the span of a week. I always love it when people who have just met have developed such a strong a bond that they would risk their lives for one another as if they’d known each other for years. The narrative is so chopped up that it really seems there is an hour of movie somewhere that never made it to the final cut, which is a shame because there are some solid moments here and there.

I was looking forward to the James Wan produced and Gary “Don’t Call Me Daughter” Dauberman directed remake. And the story is there, with the scenes that made my white undies a shade darker in the first one. Some of them are even effectively and creatively filmed, such as the scene where Danny and Ralphie are walking through the woods in silhouette or the short but sweet scene with vampires swarming outside of Mark’s treehouse. There are even some clever and not so clever scene transitions that made me chuckle most of the time, and groan much less. Unfortunately, these moments of good are few and far between. Had they maintained the cool tone of these new interpretations from the book, this would have been a recommend.

Other than the consistency of pacing and tone, the script of SALEM’S LOT is bad to wretched at times. Dumb lines like “Looks like I’ve gotta kill Barlowe.” Is said in all seriousness, yet in the most casual of manners. Alfrie Woodard hits the nail on the head by simply stating, “This is some shit.” at the halfway point. Dumb coincidences abound like Dr. Cody just luckily having a rabies shot in her travelling medical bag, just in case the vampire cynic is bitten by a vampire, you know. And at the convenience of the whether its necessary or not, they play fast and loose as to whether a vampire must be invited in or if they can just burst in unannounced. If Barlowe needs to be in a kitchen out of the blue or a vampire needs to burst into a window, no need for an invitation, whereas other scenes require someone to let them in.

The cast is large and somewhat wasted. I do love Pilou Asbæk who plays Straker and gives dead on impression of James Mason. It’s always great to see William Sadler, but he has very little to do as the sheriff. Alfrie Woodard has a little more to do as Dr. Cody, the town doctor, but not by much. The lead, Lewis Pullman, is just an uncharismatic actor. Like many of the roles his father, actor Bill Pullman, chooses, Lewis kind of shares that aww-shucks pushover type of personality with of his father which doesn’t make him very effective as the hero here. They don’t even really specify what genre of book Mears writes, though this being a Stephen King story, I’m sure it was horror, but that part is either left out of the script or cut out. So there’s no real reason why Mears (and everyone else, for that matter) automatically accept that vampires exist with little argument.

I will say that the ending, taking place in a drive-in theater lot is somewhat inspired. I haven’t read the book, so I don’t know if the ending is new or a faithful adaptation, but since it didn’t show up in the previous two incarnations of SALEM’S LOT, I’m guessing it is something Dauterman came up with himself. It is a decent way to tie in the earlier scene and proves to be a fun setting for the remaining vampire hunters to take out the vamps.

I’ve been critical of this version of SALEM’S LOT, but I think it could have been much worse. There seems to be a decent movie in there somewhere, even though the script works against it. Alexander Ward is decent as Barlowe, under a ton of makeup, but really, no one can play the role as menacingly as Reggie Nalder did in the original miniseries. And the vampires themselves look quite frightening as this film seems to try to be a throwback to the original miniseries with the glowing eyes and pale-backlighting. In the end, it serves as a fun time-waster that didn’t move me enough to love or hate it. It’s not as bad as many reviewers might want you to believe. It’s just not as good as what’s come before and will never be as frightening as the night I watched it back in 1979.

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