SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET (2024)

New streaming on Shudder!
Directed by Asif Akbar.
Written by Al Bravo, Joshua A. Cohen, Terrence Howard.
Starring Terrence Howard, Valery M. Ortiz, Cuba Gooding Jr., Appy Pratt, Udo Kier, Sally Kirkland, Louis Mandylor, Michelle Jubilee Gonzalez, Clifton Powell, Mona Arkin, Randall J. Bacon, Marco Bisbikis, Niko Foster, Reno Reyes
Check out the trailer here!!

SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET starts out like an old country song. Mark (Terrence Howard) loses his job on the day he was just about to ask for a raise. Not only does his daughter Jenny (Appy Pratt) find her pet goldfish dead in the tank, but she also finds out that the cancer she was in remission for is back and much more aggressive. With all of this going on, Mark’s wife Valentina (Valery M. Ortiz) believes her family is cursed and starts seeing visions of a La Llarona-style ghost lingering around her daughter. Mark’s ex-con brother Andres (Cuba Gooding Jr.) believes he can help, but only gets Mark in debt to a mob boss. With nowhere else to go, Mark and Valentina visit a medium (Sally Kirkland) and a mystic (Udo Kier), and they are given a terrible ultimatum—for Jenny to be healed, one of the parents must give their life.

Hey, you don’t need to tell me. I know it’s hard out there for a pimp, which is most likely the reason Terrence Howard did this movie. And while this cast sports numerous Oscar winners and nominees, that doesn’t help it from being the cinematic equivalent of buttered toast. While the drama is sold by the actors involved, filmmaker Asif Akbar doesn’t really know how to bring forth the scares or make any of it matter. The uninspired script touches all of the boxes in terms of La Llarona tales but lacks the teeth to do anything we haven’t seen multiple times before. The film is good at setting up some pretty high stakes. And with the familiar faces, it should have been easy for me to be invested in the casts’ plight, but as the script meanders between being a mob story, a family drama, and a supernatural shocker, I simply had a tough time caring about any of it. Instead, I found myself wondering how far these once mighty names in Hollywood have fallen to make of movie this tepid.

I mean, look at this cast. Terrence Howard has been and will always be cooler than the other side of the pillow. And even in this stinker, he’s still smooth. While Cuba Gooding Jr. has seen better days, he seems to be aging into quite the character actor, despite the fact that I guess he was cancelled a while back, but who really cares about that anymore? It’s always awesome to see Udo Kier, but aside from just walking around, speaking ominously and carrying a big snake. Character actor Clifton Powell has a meatier role as a priest and friend of the family. And Sally Kirkland shows up as a medium and, well, it’s good to see the elder actress get some work. But the true lead of the film is Valery M. Ortiz as the story sort of revolves around her past and present role of mother to little Jenny. Unfortunately, Ortiz’s has only a few go-to looks; static, slight smile, and wide eyed shock. If anything, it’s kind of sad seeing all of this talent in such a lame ass movie.

SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET is a dud. It’s just a shame seeing all of this talent with such a cliched script, bland direction, bad CGI ghosts and clichéd ghost stories. Here’s hoping the entire cast gets bigger and better opportunities and that the check they received for this film was worth it. It’s definitely not worth your time.