Available on Tubi in the original format, Rifftrax, and MST3K versions!

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS (1964)

Directed by Nicholas Webster
Written by Glenville Mareth & Paul L. Jacobson
Starring John Call, Leonard Hicks, Pia Zadora, & Vincent Beck

So SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS might be a bit tame for my usual readers, but hell, this is one dopey, low budget romp that can’t help but work its way into your heart. With its sappy theme song to the bumbling aliens, this film directed on a shoestring by Nicholas Webster is one of those holiday gems that I try to watch at least once every Christmas season.

This film is laughably bad. The acting is awful. The Martians’ suits look like they have microwave ovens on their heads. There’s a polar bear attack that, given the right amount of liquor, is absolutely hilarious. And a robot costume that is horrible. The “special” effects alone are enough to make this both hokey and endearing.

The premise is pretty simple; Mars’ children are lifeless TV watchers, devoid of joy. The Martian council, led by a Gandalf looking seer, decides that the only way to save the Martian children is to kidnap Santa Claus. Of course, the Martians send their best men for the job, lead by the notorious looking Voldar, who is the mean one because he has the big twisty moustache. Meanwhile, a pair of children set out to rescue Santa Claus and find themselves facing Martians at the North Pole.

Did I mention that Pia Zadora stars as an alien child in her first ever acting role?

No gore. No sex. No violence, though there is a bubble gun showdown at the end, ridiculously outfitted Martians, and a guy in a bear suit clawing at children in a cave. This is a film slapped together with spit and duct tape.

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS is a twisted treat made with good intentions. A harmless piece of fluff that still embraces genre tropes and strums all kinds of nostalgic chords.

Find out more about this film here!!